The pessimist’s guide to 2017 is here and it’s time for everyone to panic


Are the shocking events of 2016 making everyone ready to throw in the towel?

Yesterday, I got an email from a source who asked: “If I told you at the beginning of the year you’d be writing about Pokemon and Ben Carson leading HUD, what institution would you commit me to?”

Like all other semi-casual observers of market trends, I did not reply and instead, like all fellow pessimists, I chose to panic.

Which is why there is absolutely 0% comfort in this post from Bloomberg, which visualizes several worse-case scenarios for 2017. It is simply titled: “The pessimist’s guide to 2017.”

Please be advised the events aren’t real… yet. Also, be sure to tell me your own pessimistic possibilities for 2017 in the message boards below.

Here are just a couple of things Bloomberg suggests, not “predicts,” could [probably] happen:

1. Military escalation in Europe (That’ll never happen, probably.)

2. Billionaires Elon Musk and Sheryl Sandberg emerge to lead a progressive alliance against Trump in 2020. (The uber-rich save us from the uber-rich, yeah that’ll NEVER happen.)

3. Russian and/or Chinese hackers precipitate “open cyber warfare among the superpowers.” (Wait, are you sure this isn’t a 2016 recap?!?!)

4. Zombie apocalypse. (OK, so I added this last one since Bloomberg is simply not pessimistic enough for my taste.)


So, there you have it. Be sure to download the article to read offline later — when we’re all bundled together in the bomb shelter — while the powers that be destroy the entire planet in 2017.

And remember, Bloomberg (probably) told you so.

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