Lessons include avoiding physical altercations (instead of raising your fists to a truculent fellow prisoner, curl your body into a ball on the floor) and deciphering jailhouse lingo: ‘”A ‘cheese eater’ is an informant. A ‘blanket party’ is throwing a blanket over an inmate, then beating him. ‘Diesel therapy’ is when trouble-making inmates are shackled and driven around in the back of a prison bus.”
Among the “the panicky white-collar criminals” said to be using this service is Garrett Bauer, who “made tens of millions of dollars illegally trading on stock tips.” Bauer used a distinctly modest financial metaphor to describe his plans for surviving the federal hoosegow: “I’m going to be new, so you don’t want to stick your two cents in.”
Bauer’s new-found timidity should serve him well in a setting where a man is expected to say “excuse me” when he bumps into someone, whether or not it’s his fault. Other rules of prison etiquette include never sitting on another man’s bunk, never watching TV in another man’s chair, never reaching across someone else’s plate at mealtime (“That could be immediately answered with a fork in your arm,” says Mr. [Patrick] Boyce, a former stockbroker who completed 11 months in the pen in 2004″), and never removing another man’s laundry from the machine.
Boyce hired a convicted fraudster and prison consultant to assist him when he was facing the start of his sentence. Now, he works in the same field, promoting himself as a “federal mitigation specialist.”
Tagged: consultant, ex-cons, fraud, Garrett Bauer, GarrettBauer, how to survive prison, HowToSurvivePrison, insider trading, InsiderTrading, Local, prison, prison etiquette, PrisonEtiquette, The Wall Street