1. The president’s request to speak in front of Congress on a certain date was rejected for the first time in history. Why?
A. His speech would have conflicted with a G.O.P. candidates’ debate.
B. Speaker of the House John A. Boehner was planning to do his hair that night.
C. House Republicans would be watching the “Glee” season premiere.
D. There would not be enough time to adjust the chamber’s feng shui.
2. Rebels found something odd in Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi’s abandoned compound. What?
A. The complete “My So-Called Life” DVD’s.
B. A very convincing Kim Jong Il costume.
C. Forty-five pairs of Manolo Blahniks in men’s size 11.
D. A scrapbook filled with flattering photos of Condoleezza Rice.
3. In the aftermath of Tropical Storm Irene, many East Coast residents, otherwise unaffected by the storm, are struggling with what?
A. Lost weather reporters on their lawns.
B. The temptation to binge on emergency-supply junk food.
C. Getting the song “Goodnight, Irene” out of their heads.
D. Removing the pontoons they welded to their S.U.V.’s.
4. A local government in Germany has declared a complete amnesty for what Bavarian folk hero?
A. Günther the Talking Bratwurst.
B. German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
C. Yvonne the runaway cow.
D. David Hasselhoff.
5. Britons are angrily protesting what changes to a historic national treasure?
A. The pronunciation of laboratory.
B. The flavor of Earl Grey tea.
C. The color of “Thomas the Tank Engine.”
D. The sexual orientation of Elton John.
6. Just in time for the fall fashion season, a new line of what has finally hit stores?
A. Skinny-cut scrubs for doctors.
B. Crocless Crocs.
C. Designer baby diapers.
D. Designer adult diapers.
1. (A) The speaker declined the request after conservatives accused President Obama of trying to upstage the debate. The president agreed to give the speech the next night, and also agreed to stop every now and then and shout “You lie!” at himself.
3. (B) Many people who came through the storm just fine now have rooms filled with junk food bought in a panic. You can’t let that go to waste, can you? Thus: the Post-Irene Sandwich: Marshmallow Fluff and spare batteries between two Pop-Tarts.
4. (C) For the past few months, authorities have used nearly every method to capture the runaway cow, including enlisting Ernst, said to be the “George Clooney of bulls.” German officials announced that Yvonne would be allowed to live out her days at a cow sanctuary, where she will be happy — until she figures out that Ernst was castrated years ago.
5. (B) For nearly two centuries, Twinings’ Earl Grey Tea had tasted the same. Now Twinings has introduced a new Earl Grey, jazzed up with “a dash of lemon and a touch more bergamot.” So the British are doing what they do best: complaining impotently.
6. (C) After the booming success of faux denim diapers and diapers with floral and argyle patterns, Huggies is joining the industry-wide move toward designer diapers with its new limited-edition camouflage diapers, ideal for babies who want to blend in on the battlefield.